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LOTR RPF: Good Medicine 6/6
This is the last of it, ladies. I'm hereby issuing a hankiewarning ... and a restraining order.
David lay on his side in the hotel bed, watching Hugo dress. "How long will she be in town?" He asked, unable to keep his eyes from roaming over Hugo's gorgeous flesh.
"Just a few days. The kids have some time off school and they want to come visit." He turned to David, sitting on the bed, reaching for David's face. "I'm sorry about this. I was hoping we'd have the week to ourselves. The kids were gonna stay with her mother and-"
David nodded. "I know. It's okay, Hugo," he interrupted, sitting up. "Your family's gotta come first. You've already been here a few months and only back home twice." He stroked Hugo's cheek, then reached for a cigarette. "I knew all this when I signed on." He leaned forward and gave Hugo a quick kiss before sitting up and lighting his cigarette.
"Yeah," Hugo watched David for a moment. He'd started smoking again about a month ago, at least as far as Hugo knew. "Is everything alright, David?" he asked, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Hmm? Yeah … I'm fine," he smiled, trying not to think of how much he hurt right now. "Listen …" David decided to distract Hugo from his own increasingly gloomy mood. "Kate won't be here for a few more hours …" David's fingers gently undid the top button of Hugo's shirt. "You've got a little time …" If he could get Hugo inside him again, maybe David could forget how seldom they had actually been together in the six months since he'd agreed to this dubious relationship. If he could do that, maybe David wouldn't feel so gypped out of a week with Hugo.
Hugo sighed, almost giving in, covering David's hand with his. "You make a very tempting offer," he smiled. "But I need to go shopping, get presents for the kids." He really did hate leaving David like this. He got precious little time with the redhead, but they were the sweetest moments of his life right now outside of his children.
"I see," David sighed. "Well, I'd say let's do dinner but we both know that isn't an option," They had been very discreet thus far and as yet hadn't once had what anyone could call a date. "And I've gotta go back to Sydney day after tomorrow now."
And they both knew it would be at least another month before they could arrange time together. Neither man spoke for a few moments. David finally finished his cigarette and crushed it out. "Go, get your shopping done. Give Kat a hug for me, alright?" he smiled, putting forth one of his best performances now.
Hugo knew David was putting on a face, but he was damn good and Hugo let himself buy into it. He leaned in, giving David another quick kiss before he stood, ignoring the taste of tobacco. "I'll call you," he promised as he pulled his jacket on, giving David a final wave before the hotel door closed.
David lay still for a while, soaking up the feel of Hugo that still permeated the room. He knew, even if he didn't want to admit it, David knew he couldn't keep doing this. He loved Hugo to the core, and every time they were together, David felt on top of the world. Hugo was everything David could want in a man. They sometimes talked for hours, and made love with such passion that David was certain they'd burned the sheets a few times. Both men had the same approach to acting, and the same down-home Australian sensibilities that they had refused to compromise on in the industry.
But both men were also consummate professionals, which meant they devoted a lot of time to the job. Between the actual filming, rehersals, auditions, and the meeting all actors did, Hugo and David both put in a good deal of their own time towards the parts they took. And they had agreed t the start that that all came first. And in Hugo's case, his family came second. David knew he was third when he had agreed to this so long ago – six months now – but that third palce was getting more and more distant.
So far they'd only spent about three weeks of actual time together, between both their careers and Hugo's family. Those three weeks – a day here and there – had been the high points of an otherwise uneventful, and sometimes dull six months.
Sitting in this hotel room, naked under the covers, lighting another cigarette, David was also thinking of just how much effort he was having to put into their discreet little affair. It was David who had to fly where Hugo was. David who was booking rooms under assumed names at the hotels where Hugo was staying. Hugo would have, David knew, but the risk was too much. David was single, and he made sure to be seen around with enough different women that no one would bat an eyelash when he flew off this way or that – they assumed he was just going to meet another girlfriend. And David often flew into a city some hours away from where Hugo was filming, so he could drive in, so no one made the connection that they were frequently together.
Hugo, being a family man, had far more chance for scandal, so he was watched more closely. If he had flown somewhere that wasn't either where he was filming, or home, eyebrows would have been raised and gossip would have begun.
Tossing the covers aside, David went to gaze out the window. As usual, his room didn't have anything near it from which he could be easily viewed or photographed. It was something Hugo had picked up from his research on Russian Doll, ironically enough. A single tear rolled down his cheek as deep in his heart David made his decision to break things off with Hugo. Three glorious weeks was wonderful, and he'd treasure that time always, but the pain of Hugo leaving got worse every time.
And Hugo wasn't willing to break things off with his wife just yet. In his own dark thoughts, David wondered if Hugo ever would. Hugo wasn't malicious. He was the most *un*malicious man David had ever known … and in a way that's where the problem was. Hugo knew divorce – even a sweetness-and-light one was messy. It would hurt Kat, it would hurt the children. The separation wouldn't, but the press would. Reporters knew just when and what to ask to paint whatever picture they wanted, and he didn't think they would leave Kat and the children alone.
David knew all this – he and Hugo had talked a lot about it in the beginning, and David had even had a few talks with Kat over the months.
Now that the decision had been made, David's stomach actually relaxed a little. He was weeping quietly at what he'd lost, but now he was free of the pain of parting, and of being away from Hugo, and knowing that he was third place. He *did* deserve better. Fleetingly, he thought of Hugh, how was he doing? They'd had a talk after Hugo had been to David's flat. Hugh had seemed okay with things, had said he just wanted David happy. He hadn't questioned David, hadn't pulled any "are you sure you're doing the right thing"s, or really tried to win David back at all. In a way, at the itme, David had been rather hurt. Afterwards he'd decided that Hugh had just been sensible – David had gone to him mind already made up and Hugh was avioiding the pain and humiliation of begging.
For the first time, David almost wished Hugh had made some effort. Maybe David wouldn't be hurting so much right now if he had. He wondered how the doctor was doing… Unfortunately they didn't really have any mutual friends that he could call. David stepped away from the curtain and began to dress, crushing out his cigarette.
He neatened up the room, though for what he was paying for it, he should have messed it up a little more. He packed up his things, smiling sadly when he found a pair of Hugo's sunglasses. The man might be known for sunnies in his role as Agent Smith, but Hugo couldn't keep them to save his life. David tucked them into his bag, planning to return them when … well, when he broke up with him. A few more tears threatened then and David cursed himself for it. Was this the right thing to do? He really did love Hugo, and Hugo loved him, David could see it in the other man's eyes. And no one could act well enough to fake that when they made love.
"Dammit, Wenham!" He growled at himself. He checked the time – he could reach Hugo probably before his family arrived but … David needed time to think, first. Maybe this *was* a mistake. David closed the hotel door, hefting his bag and heading down to his car through the back way.
David made a call or two when he got home. He'd managed to get on standby to an earlier flight home, so it was only a aday and a half since he'd last seen Hugo. The pain was still fresh – just from the decision alone.
David was stretched on his couch, reading over the script for his next role – Rehersals began in a week – when the phone rang. He'd left only one message and he confirmed it was this person calling back before he answered – right now he didn't want to talk to anyone else. "Hey, Kat." His voice was warm, but a shade tired – he hadn’t slept well the last few days, and knew he wouldn't until he'd spoken to Hugo.
"David, is everything okay?" She asked, a little concerned. She'd been fond of David Wenham since first meeting him on the Russian Doll set, and had grown more so since he and Hugo had become involved. She and Hugo had parted ways emotionally years ago so she was happy to see that decision had worked for him. The part of her that was still married to Hugo was sad that she coldn' be everything, but in a way it helped that he'd only been involved with other men since they'd parted ways. It assured her that it wasn't a fault with her, it was simple biology.
"Not entirely … I … I need to talk to Hugo, Kat … the sooner the better. I can't keep doing this. I know you're okay with it all, and I'm kind of in awe of that," he chuckled – they'd had this discussion before. "But … It's just hurting too much. Maybe I'm being selfish … but I tried it – I had to, but I can't do this."
"I understand, David," Kat sighed quietly – she'd been expecting this. David was too much his own man to put up being in third place for long. "I can set up a dinner. Hugo and I need to be seen out and about a little, and no one would think it aghast if we get a hotel room, they'll just assume we're doing what a lot of married couples do." And she wanted to be nearby when Hugo was left broken hearted. It was always her who nursed him back every time one of his clandestine relationships hit the rocks. And this would be the worst.
"Are you sure, Kat? I know he's got his time with the children and all, I don't want to get in the way of that." David sat up, leaning forward, all his nervousness returning. He knew that in giving up David, he was also giving up this friendship, and he mourned the loss of both.
"I'm sure – he's out with the children now. Mommy stayed home with a headache," she chuckled. "I just wanted them to focus on him, not me. They're used to having me around so it's usually me they go to, unless I’m not there. "Can I ask … when you decided this?"
"A few days ago. When – and Kat, please don't take this the wrong way – but when you and the kids came up at the last minute. It wasn't just that, I've been thinking about this for a while."
"I got the impression you weren't as happy with things as Hugo wanted you to be. He's a very smart man, sometimes. And sometimes …" Kat shook her head, chuckling affectionately. "Sometimes Hugo can't put two and two together, can he?"
David had to smile at that. "Not everyone can see what's right in front of their faces." David decided to hazard a guess, something he'd speculated privately for months now. "You still love him, don't you?" He asked softly.
It was a long time before Kat answered. "Yeah, of course. I mean, he's the father of my children. Of course I do." She knew the pause had given her away. David was far too perceptive by half.
"I mean still in love with him. This whole 'open relationship' thing was his idea."
"No, it really was mine. There was something missing so I thought it best if we try to find it outside of the relationship. Hugo didn't object, though we had a long talk about it."
"And have you? Found whatever was missing?"
"Yeah, I have. But you didn't call to talk about me. You're sure this is what you want to do?" there was no judgement, just one friend trying to make sure another had thought things through.
"Yeah, I am. I mean, I'm sure I can't keep doing this and … He probably won't leave you. He's too nice to. The press can be vicious and I think he knows that. By now you two have been together ten years. Even in Australia, that's al ifetime in this industry. The longer you're together the worse the press will react to any kind of breakup. And your kids are gonna have to be well into adulthood before they can really cope with the press at their fullest." They both knew that was true – it was why so many stars took incredible pains to keep their children as far from the limelight as they could get until they were well into their adult years.
"So you've definitely been thinking about this." Kat sighed sadly. She'd had to comfort Hugo after a breakup before but she knew this would be the worst. Hugo really did truly and deeply love David, and he talked endlessly to her of their times together. It hurt her to hear it, in a way, but it comforted her at the same time, that Hugo could be so happy with so little time with one person. Whenever he'd been with David, Hugo had a glow about him that was generally reserved for young lovers. This of course was fueling the idea that he and Kat had a wonderous marriage, since she was seldom seen in public, no one noticed a lack of rosy glow on her own cheeks.
"Yeah … yeah I have. For longer than I'd like to admit. I knew this was a mistake before I even slept with him but … God, he was just …" He sighed, and he and Kat both chuckled. They knew full well how impressive Hugo could be, and how hard it was to say no to him. The man had a gentle persuasive charm that was uncanny. Hugo was often sent to charm other actors to co-star with him – and it usually worked.
"I'll set up something, then. Can you get a room at the Grand Chancellor, on Wellington Street?"
David nodded. "Yeah, I can try to get a flight out there tonight," He already had his laptop open. "And Kat … I can't thank you enough for this. I’m sorry to have to take time out of your time with him."
"David, it's okay. Better now than when there's no one there for him. Having the kdis around for a few days will help, I know it." She'd been through this enough to know what would help get Hugo back on his feet.
"You're an amazing woman, Kat. I hope we can keep in touch."
"Me too, David. I'll see you at the Chancellor."
They finished their goodbyes and hung up. An hour later David was packing for a flight back to Perth.
========================
As usual, David managed to get an adjoining room to the one Kat had reserved for herself and Hugo. At least he hoped it was the right one. While David was no master of disguise, he was good enough to have been able to conceal himself in the resteraunt so Hugo didn't recognize him when he and Kat entered. Even now David felt a tiny pang of jealousy – he and Hugo could never go out like that, there was too much risk. Unless they were co-stars, or if they both had above-board business in the area, it would have been too suspicious for them to be seen dining together.
After they placed their orders, Kat stood, leaning in to give Hugo a quick kiss, her hand lingering on his shoulder as she left. They were the perfect picture of the loving celebrity couple. David's phone vibrated a few minutes later and he had a page from Kat with the room number confirmed on it.
David discreetly finished his drink, paid, and went upstairs. Thankfully Kat had gotten a smoking room, and David's was as well. He'd sat in the room all day, playing with Hugo's sunnies, smoking, and thinking and re-thinking what he wanted to say to Hugo. Finally Kat had paged him that they were leaving for the resteraunt. David hadn't been able to keep away so he had gone down to see Hugo for a moment, even at a distance.
Now he was back upstairs, smoking again, having gone through most of a pack in just one day. He sighed, sitting on the bed, getting up, pacing …
There was a knock on the inside door and it scared David out of his skin. He put out his cigarette, straightened his jacket and opened the door.
The red-head's heart broke again when he saw the look of sheer joy on Hugo's face, followed by a puppylike confusion when he saw the lines and frown on David's face. Then a darker sort of sadness when Kat excused herself into David's room, closing the door and leaving the two men alone.
"What's this about, David?" He asked, and David could hear the tremor in Hugo's voice.
"Maybe we should sit down …" David laid a hand on Hugo's shoulder – the same shoulder Kat had so lovingly stroked earlier – and guided him to one of the armchairs, David sitting across from him. "You left these at the hotel," David said quietly, setting the sunglasses on the middle of the table.
"David you're worrying me, what's going on? Is … are you … ?" Hugo's face fell even further as he realized what he thought was going on. But he needed to hear David say it.
"I can't do this anymore, Hugo. I thought I could, but it just hurts too much."
"David, it doesn't have to … I can get a divorce," Hugo was scared, terrified of losing David for good.
"No, you can't, Hugo. Not now, not any time soon. Think about it. You and Kat are the golden couple of Australian cinema. A divorce now, with you at your level … the press would have a field day. You can handle that pressure, Kat can even weather it, but your children … The press doesn't have scruples, love, and your kids, wonderful as they are, wouldn't stand a chance."
"But… David … I …" Hugo was at a loss, David just put forth a very neat little argument against a divorce. He wondered for a moment if David had just stopped loving him, but he looked up and saw the pain etched deeply in the redhead's face. Pain that he knew he'd caused. "Is it because we're not together enough? I can change things …"
"Hugo … it won't work. It can't work." The pain, almost desperation on Hugo's face was devastating David's reserves. "It hurts too much when you leave me. And it hurts more and more each time. And you can't change things, your schedules locked up pretty tight for another two or three years." David reached across and took Hugo's trembling hands. "I love you, Hugo. I always will, but I can't do this to myself anymore. If things were different … but they're not, and they won't be for a long, long time. In the meanwhile … I just don't have the strength for this. I hate never being able to go out with you, having to sneak around like we're ashamed of each other. I deserve better than that. So do you, but you're getting a family out of the deal, too. You have a wonderful family. And a wonderful wife. Wonderful children. I envy you that. I want to have a family, Hugo. I want kids of my own. I refuse to take you away from the family you have, so I need o take myself away from you. I have to chose between having a family all of my own, or having you, sometimes. And as wonderful as our times are together. … and they were the best times of my life so far, love. When I wasn't with you, those times together brought a sharp definition to what was missing in my life. David sighed, still holding Hugo's hands.
"So …" His voice was the whisper of a ghost. "You've given this a lot of thought, then." Hugo finally looked up at David, looking ten years older. "And there's fuck all I can do to talk you out of it?" He was trying to push down his anger but it wasn't working. He stood, moving across the room, looking out the window, trying to pushd own his tears.
"I've thought about it for a long time. I can't make this work, Hugo. I've tried. I thought having you for those times I did would be enough to hold me over."
"So I'm not enough?" Hugo snapped.
"That's not what I'm saying, Hugo … When we're not together, you've got your family. I have nothing. All I can do is work, and think of you."
"And I don’t think of you? Out of sight out of mind?" He growled, not turning around.
"God damnit, Hugo. I don't know what you think. I know you think of me, but can you honestly tell me that the children, even your wife, do nohing to lessen the pain? They don't lift your spirits at all?"
Hugo couldn't answer. David was right. Spending time with his children was about the only salve he had against the hurt of being apart from David.
"I've said what I needed to say, Hugo." David stood behind him, resting a hand on Hugo's shoulder. "I'll be seeing you," he said before stepping away.
A moment later a door opened and closed.
"Hugo?"
"Can you just leave me alone, Kat?" Hugo was on the verge of tears, his wife could tell. Without a word, she left, the door closing quietly behind her.
One year. David couldn't help but chuckle at that as he pulled into the club's parking lot. He'd left Hugo a month ago and he had kept to himself in all that time, working, but not socializing.
It had been about a year ago now, that David had first come to this club, intending to fuck or be fucked, just wanting to feel something, anything, with anyone. It was a dangerous sort of game, but David played it as safe as he could. Last time he'd come here, he'd been taken to an apartment classier than his and shagged senseless by a doctor who looked just like Hugo.
Now, a year later, David was coming off another relationship – one he'd never expected to have – and he was back here for the same reason. Once again he was filming in Sydney so this was the best choice for a club. He went inside, pressing through the mass of bodies to the bar, ordering a drink. He saw a few people watching him and displayed himself accordingly, leaning back, legs spread a little. Not quite whorish but definitely enticing.
He gazed out over the dance floor, keen eyes searching, but for what he didn't know. He saw the undulating, glittering curtain that lead to the back rooms, where David usually found himself when he came to a place like this. As he watched, he saw a figure emerge and, as often happened, almost dropped his drink. Though he quickly realized it wasn't Hugo. It was Hugh. Coming out of the realm of anonymous, dirty sex with some satisfied looking young man. David thought Hugh might have glanced this way but he wasn't counting on it. If Hugh had actually looked in his direction, and David had seen his face, how would he have looked? David thought he might have seen … disappointment? Hope? Sadness? He didn't think about it.
David finished his drink and left, suddenly losing his apatite for everything.
Best to keep away, he decided, starting up his car. David pulled away, and as he left the parkinglot, he certainly didn't see Hugo's figure in his rearview mirror, standing outside the club. David didn't see much of anything right now, nor did he want to. He would play it solo for a while. It was too soon after Hugo to really feel much of anything, he was still too numb. Right now, his work would soothe the pain.
The end
Unbetaed. Hell, not even spellchecked.
David lay on his side in the hotel bed, watching Hugo dress. "How long will she be in town?" He asked, unable to keep his eyes from roaming over Hugo's gorgeous flesh.
"Just a few days. The kids have some time off school and they want to come visit." He turned to David, sitting on the bed, reaching for David's face. "I'm sorry about this. I was hoping we'd have the week to ourselves. The kids were gonna stay with her mother and-"
David nodded. "I know. It's okay, Hugo," he interrupted, sitting up. "Your family's gotta come first. You've already been here a few months and only back home twice." He stroked Hugo's cheek, then reached for a cigarette. "I knew all this when I signed on." He leaned forward and gave Hugo a quick kiss before sitting up and lighting his cigarette.
"Yeah," Hugo watched David for a moment. He'd started smoking again about a month ago, at least as far as Hugo knew. "Is everything alright, David?" he asked, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Hmm? Yeah … I'm fine," he smiled, trying not to think of how much he hurt right now. "Listen …" David decided to distract Hugo from his own increasingly gloomy mood. "Kate won't be here for a few more hours …" David's fingers gently undid the top button of Hugo's shirt. "You've got a little time …" If he could get Hugo inside him again, maybe David could forget how seldom they had actually been together in the six months since he'd agreed to this dubious relationship. If he could do that, maybe David wouldn't feel so gypped out of a week with Hugo.
Hugo sighed, almost giving in, covering David's hand with his. "You make a very tempting offer," he smiled. "But I need to go shopping, get presents for the kids." He really did hate leaving David like this. He got precious little time with the redhead, but they were the sweetest moments of his life right now outside of his children.
"I see," David sighed. "Well, I'd say let's do dinner but we both know that isn't an option," They had been very discreet thus far and as yet hadn't once had what anyone could call a date. "And I've gotta go back to Sydney day after tomorrow now."
And they both knew it would be at least another month before they could arrange time together. Neither man spoke for a few moments. David finally finished his cigarette and crushed it out. "Go, get your shopping done. Give Kat a hug for me, alright?" he smiled, putting forth one of his best performances now.
Hugo knew David was putting on a face, but he was damn good and Hugo let himself buy into it. He leaned in, giving David another quick kiss before he stood, ignoring the taste of tobacco. "I'll call you," he promised as he pulled his jacket on, giving David a final wave before the hotel door closed.
David lay still for a while, soaking up the feel of Hugo that still permeated the room. He knew, even if he didn't want to admit it, David knew he couldn't keep doing this. He loved Hugo to the core, and every time they were together, David felt on top of the world. Hugo was everything David could want in a man. They sometimes talked for hours, and made love with such passion that David was certain they'd burned the sheets a few times. Both men had the same approach to acting, and the same down-home Australian sensibilities that they had refused to compromise on in the industry.
But both men were also consummate professionals, which meant they devoted a lot of time to the job. Between the actual filming, rehersals, auditions, and the meeting all actors did, Hugo and David both put in a good deal of their own time towards the parts they took. And they had agreed t the start that that all came first. And in Hugo's case, his family came second. David knew he was third when he had agreed to this so long ago – six months now – but that third palce was getting more and more distant.
So far they'd only spent about three weeks of actual time together, between both their careers and Hugo's family. Those three weeks – a day here and there – had been the high points of an otherwise uneventful, and sometimes dull six months.
Sitting in this hotel room, naked under the covers, lighting another cigarette, David was also thinking of just how much effort he was having to put into their discreet little affair. It was David who had to fly where Hugo was. David who was booking rooms under assumed names at the hotels where Hugo was staying. Hugo would have, David knew, but the risk was too much. David was single, and he made sure to be seen around with enough different women that no one would bat an eyelash when he flew off this way or that – they assumed he was just going to meet another girlfriend. And David often flew into a city some hours away from where Hugo was filming, so he could drive in, so no one made the connection that they were frequently together.
Hugo, being a family man, had far more chance for scandal, so he was watched more closely. If he had flown somewhere that wasn't either where he was filming, or home, eyebrows would have been raised and gossip would have begun.
Tossing the covers aside, David went to gaze out the window. As usual, his room didn't have anything near it from which he could be easily viewed or photographed. It was something Hugo had picked up from his research on Russian Doll, ironically enough. A single tear rolled down his cheek as deep in his heart David made his decision to break things off with Hugo. Three glorious weeks was wonderful, and he'd treasure that time always, but the pain of Hugo leaving got worse every time.
And Hugo wasn't willing to break things off with his wife just yet. In his own dark thoughts, David wondered if Hugo ever would. Hugo wasn't malicious. He was the most *un*malicious man David had ever known … and in a way that's where the problem was. Hugo knew divorce – even a sweetness-and-light one was messy. It would hurt Kat, it would hurt the children. The separation wouldn't, but the press would. Reporters knew just when and what to ask to paint whatever picture they wanted, and he didn't think they would leave Kat and the children alone.
David knew all this – he and Hugo had talked a lot about it in the beginning, and David had even had a few talks with Kat over the months.
Now that the decision had been made, David's stomach actually relaxed a little. He was weeping quietly at what he'd lost, but now he was free of the pain of parting, and of being away from Hugo, and knowing that he was third place. He *did* deserve better. Fleetingly, he thought of Hugh, how was he doing? They'd had a talk after Hugo had been to David's flat. Hugh had seemed okay with things, had said he just wanted David happy. He hadn't questioned David, hadn't pulled any "are you sure you're doing the right thing"s, or really tried to win David back at all. In a way, at the itme, David had been rather hurt. Afterwards he'd decided that Hugh had just been sensible – David had gone to him mind already made up and Hugh was avioiding the pain and humiliation of begging.
For the first time, David almost wished Hugh had made some effort. Maybe David wouldn't be hurting so much right now if he had. He wondered how the doctor was doing… Unfortunately they didn't really have any mutual friends that he could call. David stepped away from the curtain and began to dress, crushing out his cigarette.
He neatened up the room, though for what he was paying for it, he should have messed it up a little more. He packed up his things, smiling sadly when he found a pair of Hugo's sunglasses. The man might be known for sunnies in his role as Agent Smith, but Hugo couldn't keep them to save his life. David tucked them into his bag, planning to return them when … well, when he broke up with him. A few more tears threatened then and David cursed himself for it. Was this the right thing to do? He really did love Hugo, and Hugo loved him, David could see it in the other man's eyes. And no one could act well enough to fake that when they made love.
"Dammit, Wenham!" He growled at himself. He checked the time – he could reach Hugo probably before his family arrived but … David needed time to think, first. Maybe this *was* a mistake. David closed the hotel door, hefting his bag and heading down to his car through the back way.
David made a call or two when he got home. He'd managed to get on standby to an earlier flight home, so it was only a aday and a half since he'd last seen Hugo. The pain was still fresh – just from the decision alone.
David was stretched on his couch, reading over the script for his next role – Rehersals began in a week – when the phone rang. He'd left only one message and he confirmed it was this person calling back before he answered – right now he didn't want to talk to anyone else. "Hey, Kat." His voice was warm, but a shade tired – he hadn’t slept well the last few days, and knew he wouldn't until he'd spoken to Hugo.
"David, is everything okay?" She asked, a little concerned. She'd been fond of David Wenham since first meeting him on the Russian Doll set, and had grown more so since he and Hugo had become involved. She and Hugo had parted ways emotionally years ago so she was happy to see that decision had worked for him. The part of her that was still married to Hugo was sad that she coldn' be everything, but in a way it helped that he'd only been involved with other men since they'd parted ways. It assured her that it wasn't a fault with her, it was simple biology.
"Not entirely … I … I need to talk to Hugo, Kat … the sooner the better. I can't keep doing this. I know you're okay with it all, and I'm kind of in awe of that," he chuckled – they'd had this discussion before. "But … It's just hurting too much. Maybe I'm being selfish … but I tried it – I had to, but I can't do this."
"I understand, David," Kat sighed quietly – she'd been expecting this. David was too much his own man to put up being in third place for long. "I can set up a dinner. Hugo and I need to be seen out and about a little, and no one would think it aghast if we get a hotel room, they'll just assume we're doing what a lot of married couples do." And she wanted to be nearby when Hugo was left broken hearted. It was always her who nursed him back every time one of his clandestine relationships hit the rocks. And this would be the worst.
"Are you sure, Kat? I know he's got his time with the children and all, I don't want to get in the way of that." David sat up, leaning forward, all his nervousness returning. He knew that in giving up David, he was also giving up this friendship, and he mourned the loss of both.
"I'm sure – he's out with the children now. Mommy stayed home with a headache," she chuckled. "I just wanted them to focus on him, not me. They're used to having me around so it's usually me they go to, unless I’m not there. "Can I ask … when you decided this?"
"A few days ago. When – and Kat, please don't take this the wrong way – but when you and the kids came up at the last minute. It wasn't just that, I've been thinking about this for a while."
"I got the impression you weren't as happy with things as Hugo wanted you to be. He's a very smart man, sometimes. And sometimes …" Kat shook her head, chuckling affectionately. "Sometimes Hugo can't put two and two together, can he?"
David had to smile at that. "Not everyone can see what's right in front of their faces." David decided to hazard a guess, something he'd speculated privately for months now. "You still love him, don't you?" He asked softly.
It was a long time before Kat answered. "Yeah, of course. I mean, he's the father of my children. Of course I do." She knew the pause had given her away. David was far too perceptive by half.
"I mean still in love with him. This whole 'open relationship' thing was his idea."
"No, it really was mine. There was something missing so I thought it best if we try to find it outside of the relationship. Hugo didn't object, though we had a long talk about it."
"And have you? Found whatever was missing?"
"Yeah, I have. But you didn't call to talk about me. You're sure this is what you want to do?" there was no judgement, just one friend trying to make sure another had thought things through.
"Yeah, I am. I mean, I'm sure I can't keep doing this and … He probably won't leave you. He's too nice to. The press can be vicious and I think he knows that. By now you two have been together ten years. Even in Australia, that's al ifetime in this industry. The longer you're together the worse the press will react to any kind of breakup. And your kids are gonna have to be well into adulthood before they can really cope with the press at their fullest." They both knew that was true – it was why so many stars took incredible pains to keep their children as far from the limelight as they could get until they were well into their adult years.
"So you've definitely been thinking about this." Kat sighed sadly. She'd had to comfort Hugo after a breakup before but she knew this would be the worst. Hugo really did truly and deeply love David, and he talked endlessly to her of their times together. It hurt her to hear it, in a way, but it comforted her at the same time, that Hugo could be so happy with so little time with one person. Whenever he'd been with David, Hugo had a glow about him that was generally reserved for young lovers. This of course was fueling the idea that he and Kat had a wonderous marriage, since she was seldom seen in public, no one noticed a lack of rosy glow on her own cheeks.
"Yeah … yeah I have. For longer than I'd like to admit. I knew this was a mistake before I even slept with him but … God, he was just …" He sighed, and he and Kat both chuckled. They knew full well how impressive Hugo could be, and how hard it was to say no to him. The man had a gentle persuasive charm that was uncanny. Hugo was often sent to charm other actors to co-star with him – and it usually worked.
"I'll set up something, then. Can you get a room at the Grand Chancellor, on Wellington Street?"
David nodded. "Yeah, I can try to get a flight out there tonight," He already had his laptop open. "And Kat … I can't thank you enough for this. I’m sorry to have to take time out of your time with him."
"David, it's okay. Better now than when there's no one there for him. Having the kdis around for a few days will help, I know it." She'd been through this enough to know what would help get Hugo back on his feet.
"You're an amazing woman, Kat. I hope we can keep in touch."
"Me too, David. I'll see you at the Chancellor."
They finished their goodbyes and hung up. An hour later David was packing for a flight back to Perth.
========================
As usual, David managed to get an adjoining room to the one Kat had reserved for herself and Hugo. At least he hoped it was the right one. While David was no master of disguise, he was good enough to have been able to conceal himself in the resteraunt so Hugo didn't recognize him when he and Kat entered. Even now David felt a tiny pang of jealousy – he and Hugo could never go out like that, there was too much risk. Unless they were co-stars, or if they both had above-board business in the area, it would have been too suspicious for them to be seen dining together.
After they placed their orders, Kat stood, leaning in to give Hugo a quick kiss, her hand lingering on his shoulder as she left. They were the perfect picture of the loving celebrity couple. David's phone vibrated a few minutes later and he had a page from Kat with the room number confirmed on it.
David discreetly finished his drink, paid, and went upstairs. Thankfully Kat had gotten a smoking room, and David's was as well. He'd sat in the room all day, playing with Hugo's sunnies, smoking, and thinking and re-thinking what he wanted to say to Hugo. Finally Kat had paged him that they were leaving for the resteraunt. David hadn't been able to keep away so he had gone down to see Hugo for a moment, even at a distance.
Now he was back upstairs, smoking again, having gone through most of a pack in just one day. He sighed, sitting on the bed, getting up, pacing …
There was a knock on the inside door and it scared David out of his skin. He put out his cigarette, straightened his jacket and opened the door.
The red-head's heart broke again when he saw the look of sheer joy on Hugo's face, followed by a puppylike confusion when he saw the lines and frown on David's face. Then a darker sort of sadness when Kat excused herself into David's room, closing the door and leaving the two men alone.
"What's this about, David?" He asked, and David could hear the tremor in Hugo's voice.
"Maybe we should sit down …" David laid a hand on Hugo's shoulder – the same shoulder Kat had so lovingly stroked earlier – and guided him to one of the armchairs, David sitting across from him. "You left these at the hotel," David said quietly, setting the sunglasses on the middle of the table.
"David you're worrying me, what's going on? Is … are you … ?" Hugo's face fell even further as he realized what he thought was going on. But he needed to hear David say it.
"I can't do this anymore, Hugo. I thought I could, but it just hurts too much."
"David, it doesn't have to … I can get a divorce," Hugo was scared, terrified of losing David for good.
"No, you can't, Hugo. Not now, not any time soon. Think about it. You and Kat are the golden couple of Australian cinema. A divorce now, with you at your level … the press would have a field day. You can handle that pressure, Kat can even weather it, but your children … The press doesn't have scruples, love, and your kids, wonderful as they are, wouldn't stand a chance."
"But… David … I …" Hugo was at a loss, David just put forth a very neat little argument against a divorce. He wondered for a moment if David had just stopped loving him, but he looked up and saw the pain etched deeply in the redhead's face. Pain that he knew he'd caused. "Is it because we're not together enough? I can change things …"
"Hugo … it won't work. It can't work." The pain, almost desperation on Hugo's face was devastating David's reserves. "It hurts too much when you leave me. And it hurts more and more each time. And you can't change things, your schedules locked up pretty tight for another two or three years." David reached across and took Hugo's trembling hands. "I love you, Hugo. I always will, but I can't do this to myself anymore. If things were different … but they're not, and they won't be for a long, long time. In the meanwhile … I just don't have the strength for this. I hate never being able to go out with you, having to sneak around like we're ashamed of each other. I deserve better than that. So do you, but you're getting a family out of the deal, too. You have a wonderful family. And a wonderful wife. Wonderful children. I envy you that. I want to have a family, Hugo. I want kids of my own. I refuse to take you away from the family you have, so I need o take myself away from you. I have to chose between having a family all of my own, or having you, sometimes. And as wonderful as our times are together. … and they were the best times of my life so far, love. When I wasn't with you, those times together brought a sharp definition to what was missing in my life. David sighed, still holding Hugo's hands.
"So …" His voice was the whisper of a ghost. "You've given this a lot of thought, then." Hugo finally looked up at David, looking ten years older. "And there's fuck all I can do to talk you out of it?" He was trying to push down his anger but it wasn't working. He stood, moving across the room, looking out the window, trying to pushd own his tears.
"I've thought about it for a long time. I can't make this work, Hugo. I've tried. I thought having you for those times I did would be enough to hold me over."
"So I'm not enough?" Hugo snapped.
"That's not what I'm saying, Hugo … When we're not together, you've got your family. I have nothing. All I can do is work, and think of you."
"And I don’t think of you? Out of sight out of mind?" He growled, not turning around.
"God damnit, Hugo. I don't know what you think. I know you think of me, but can you honestly tell me that the children, even your wife, do nohing to lessen the pain? They don't lift your spirits at all?"
Hugo couldn't answer. David was right. Spending time with his children was about the only salve he had against the hurt of being apart from David.
"I've said what I needed to say, Hugo." David stood behind him, resting a hand on Hugo's shoulder. "I'll be seeing you," he said before stepping away.
A moment later a door opened and closed.
"Hugo?"
"Can you just leave me alone, Kat?" Hugo was on the verge of tears, his wife could tell. Without a word, she left, the door closing quietly behind her.
One year. David couldn't help but chuckle at that as he pulled into the club's parking lot. He'd left Hugo a month ago and he had kept to himself in all that time, working, but not socializing.
It had been about a year ago now, that David had first come to this club, intending to fuck or be fucked, just wanting to feel something, anything, with anyone. It was a dangerous sort of game, but David played it as safe as he could. Last time he'd come here, he'd been taken to an apartment classier than his and shagged senseless by a doctor who looked just like Hugo.
Now, a year later, David was coming off another relationship – one he'd never expected to have – and he was back here for the same reason. Once again he was filming in Sydney so this was the best choice for a club. He went inside, pressing through the mass of bodies to the bar, ordering a drink. He saw a few people watching him and displayed himself accordingly, leaning back, legs spread a little. Not quite whorish but definitely enticing.
He gazed out over the dance floor, keen eyes searching, but for what he didn't know. He saw the undulating, glittering curtain that lead to the back rooms, where David usually found himself when he came to a place like this. As he watched, he saw a figure emerge and, as often happened, almost dropped his drink. Though he quickly realized it wasn't Hugo. It was Hugh. Coming out of the realm of anonymous, dirty sex with some satisfied looking young man. David thought Hugh might have glanced this way but he wasn't counting on it. If Hugh had actually looked in his direction, and David had seen his face, how would he have looked? David thought he might have seen … disappointment? Hope? Sadness? He didn't think about it.
David finished his drink and left, suddenly losing his apatite for everything.
Best to keep away, he decided, starting up his car. David pulled away, and as he left the parkinglot, he certainly didn't see Hugo's figure in his rearview mirror, standing outside the club. David didn't see much of anything right now, nor did he want to. He would play it solo for a while. It was too soon after Hugo to really feel much of anything, he was still too numb. Right now, his work would soothe the pain.
The end
Unbetaed. Hell, not even spellchecked.